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Every now and then, a news story comes along that reads like a joke missing the punchline.
Two spring to mind today. Here they are with my suggested punchlines - any improved or alternative offers gratefully received.
John Prescott has admitted he was given a cowboy outfit as a gift.
- It was called the Office of the Deputy Prime Minister.
Did you hear about the snake that swallowed an electric blanket?
- His dinner was getting cold.
Mick Hodgkin.
Always first on the scene, Kate Clark had taken time off from reporting for us to learn Arabic in Syria when the whole region exploded last week. Here she tells us what life is like on the ground.
Everyone, everywhere in Damascus is following the news from Lebanon, all the time. There is talk of little else, but the war. In shops, taxis, restaurants and homes, Syria has become a news-obsessed country. Beirut is only a two hour drive from here and many Syrians have friends or family in Lebanon.
Most people believe they and the Lebanese belong to the same nation, divided by colonial boundaries. Small wonder then that the response to the television pictures of civilians suffering in the Israeli bombing is visceral; people wince like they might if they saw a relative in pain.
It seems in the media at the moment you can't turn a corner without banging into someone who is talking about podcasting or blogging, and as for Television - sooo yesterday. The BBC has realised this shift, by announcing no longer will it be called BBC TV but BBC Vision, whilst BBC Radio has become BBC Audio and Music (writes Iain Overton).
So, with all this curfuffle I have decided to write down some pretty hard-core predictions for Television over the next decade. So here goes.
I predict that the trend toward larger and larger televisions will continue as screens double in size every 18 months. Televisions will eventually grow so large that families will be forced to watch TV from outside their homes, peering in through the living-room window. Being mugged whilst watching the News will add excitement to the viewing experience.
A new phrase has really caught the imagination here at ITN. "The Long Tail". So much so that our editor, Will Thorne, even has a copy a book bearing its name on his desk (notices Iain Overton).
Of course, The Long Tail, might be yet another buzz word that catches the zeitgeist, then quickly gets lost in the ever-changing world of the media, but its principles are defining and will be felt long after the phrase is forgotten.
"The Long Tail" was first coined by the American writer Chris Anderson. Beginning in a series of speeches in early 2004 and culminating with the publication of a Wired Magazine article later that year, Chris described the effects of the long tail on current and future business models.
The basic principle of the Long Tail is that products that are in low demand or have a low sales volume can, if managed correctly, collectively make up a market share that rivals or exceeds the relatively few current bestsellers and blockbusters. That is, if the store or distribution channel is large enough.
Iain Dale files another report from the political blogosphere this week for Channel4 Radio's Morning Report.
This episode reveals some surprising stories - the Tory behemoth whose lasting legacy was the introduction of the speed hump.
Also, how David Miliband found himself on the front page of the Sunday Times, courtesy of a tip-off from Downing Street. But which address? Number 10 or Number 11? Well, Guido Fawkes happened to overhear.
He also mentions Ellee Seymour, and his blog of the week is Stephen Pollard, for his caustic analysis. One of the few mainstream media commentators who understands what blogging is all about.
You can hear his report here.
More4's Nima Elbagir is at the Syria-Lebanon border, where refugees are spending hundreds of dollars for the short taxi ride to safety.
With many of the major roads destroyed by Israeli fire, they have been forced to use minor tracks to get there. Nonetheless, an estimated 150,000 have already crossed the border.
Watch her report on More4 News.
Usually an afternoon trip to one of the slightly shabby coffee shops on Grays Inn Road is an excuse to escape the newsroom for a bit of air (Presenter Carl Dinnen writes). Today though the sun is threatening to turn the tarmac into a sticky goo. The trip out is more a reminder of how pleasant our air conditioned (slightly shabby) production space is.
On the way out of the building I cross paths with our film producer Iain Overton who remarks that it's 'hotter than a snake's ass in a wagon rut'. A new one on me. I suppose it's the opposite of 'colder than a well-digger's ass' (Tom Waits, that).
I once came across a snake in a Humvee rut in the desert. Sadly for the snake it was there before the Humvee. It was hot and dead. Smart chap that Iain. Wouldn't sell a chicken on a wet day (work it out). Another colleague idly wonders if it might be warmer here than in Beirut. A quick online check reveals that it's 32C in London and 32C in Beirut. Bet they're not talking about the weather in Beirut.
The sound was indistinct, the message sometimes unclear - surely they couldn't REALLY be discussing how to put off a ceasefire in Lebanon? ... Mick Hodgkin reveals what Tony was really trying to tell George in that open mic incident at the G8 summit.
George Bush: Yo Blair!
Tony Blair: Hello, I was just -
GB: You're not leaving?
TB: No, I just wanted to -
GB: Because we gotta sort out that shit you know.
TB: Yes, well I need to go...
GB: No you don't.
TB: I do - it's urgent...
GB: Don't worry, I'm gonna send Condi.
TB: You don't understand - I just have to -
GB: Some kinda personal mission?
TB: Exactly - I need to -
GB: You're a sweety, Blair, but I want you to stay here.
TB: Oh for crying out loud George! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE can I go to the toilet now?
